squirrrrell

09:46 pm: i am seriously out of the loop. but i am getting married in three weeks so i kind of have an excuse.

06:54 pm: dum dum da dum
so i haven't been on here in ages but i thought i'd check in with my old lj buddies and update you that i'm engaged!! getting married in march. things are good with planning, working and remodeling our house but i feel a bit like will ferrel in old school. talks about going to home depot and that being a good saturday.

anyway the wedding is in jackson ms on march 22. not a formal or fancy affair, mainly a big party with lots of food and beer. send me your address if you want an invite.

07:02 pm: haven't been on the lj in a while. life is pretty good. as pathetic as it is, i tend to post when i'm sad. not so much with the sad or frustrated. i'm pretty damn great except for working two jobs still and not having much of a social life. but otherwise, i'm good. woody and i reached our one year anniversay. doing great still-remodeling the kitchen next. i love a project. i got a new job that is busy and pays well. i finally fixed my car after a year of being wrecked. patty griffin's new cd came out yesterday. i'm almost giddy. it's odd.

anyway, hope all is well in your world. if not, been there. you'll get through till some other shit comes up.

11:16 pm: Having a party for mine and the boyfriends birthday. leave a comment if you are in the jackson area and would like to come. i'll send you details

08:46 pm: my friend tj died this morning. he was a beautiful fabulous person who never ceased to crack me up. there are so few people in the world that are always funny, always upbeat, always fun to be around. he was 23 years old and was driving home from work. who hasn't driven home from work a 100,000 times? every time you make it home safely, it probably never crossed your mind that you might not have. i am sad but i keep replaying all the good times we all had in my mind. it's kind of helping in a not really helping way. i just want to tell everyone i love that i love them, you know who you are.

06:03 pm: my mom and i made up. that's good. i am cutting out drinking for purely dietary reasons for at least 3 weeks to a month. it's gonna be hard. i haven't been out in ages but woody likes a beer after work and they prove so tempting in my fridge when i'm home alone. will probably go back to red wine when the month is up. the trick is moderation. i could throw back some wine and rack up a bill and a nasty hangover.

well, still broke and still frustrated but i am trying to be hopeful. something's gotta give as they say.

i am hungry from all this dieting. it better flippin work this time. 15-20 pounds came off like nothing a few years ago. i'm not even old. it should still be easy. oh well with that in mind my treadmill is calling my name.

07:18 pm: HOW CAN I WORK TWO FLIPPIN JOBS AND BE BROKE?!?!

and thus the basis for my rant. i am pissed. i am pissed at myself, dentistry in mississippi, gas prices, interest rates, inflation, and the list continues. i went to school for four years. i took many important tests to get a nice little certificate that says i can work in your dentist office. there is a certain level of financial compensation that one gets because of the time put in and training and certification they have.

Not me. i get what some cheap ass decided he could part with at the moment. i am not trying to belittle anyone else or look down upon them, but there is a hierarchy in all jobs. so why are people "below" me making more money than i am? why are people who do what i do making double and triple what i do? am i unlucky? am i a too timid when negiotiating salary? do i not work hard enough? these are the questions that keep me up at night.

why do i have a second job and still not make enough? i work 6 days a week 8-9 hours a day. i pay on my bills and have limited spending on food, alcohol, clothing, etc. i try to pay down my debt but i don't make enough to pay more than the minimum payment. i haven't been making enough to put money in savings here lately either.

i am over it. i do not want to work so hard for so little money. i am tired of sweating all my decisions based on money. i am promised a raise and not given it. i told i am not working hard enough to make us busier. i am not convincing enough to get people to come in for cleanings and dental work. that is crap, i feel. other people are broke too. dental needs are put on the back burner in time of crisis because they are not life or death importance to almost all people. i cannot turn around a business that has been in existance for 27 years when i have only been a middle level employee for 6 months. it is impossible.

on top of my career woes, my mother has been fighting with me and telling me what a horrible awful person i am. the silver lining to my life is my wonderful boyfriend who i moved(offically) in with last weekend. granted he is broke and frustrated with job too so he seems to be the only one who understands. we are happy with each other but we try hard to improve our situation and it does not happen. we both work two jobs and still wonder if the check is going to bounce.

it is time for a change. i'm not sure what yet. i am weighing and exploring options. i just wish it was more clear to me what i wanted to do with my life. people say i'm young and i have time. this may be true. but think of the time wasted in a stagnant job with no possibilities for advancement or change. i do not want to be rich. i just want to be able to afford my modest life.

08:48 am: hello again live journal. i have been busy and addicted to myspace so i'm sorry for ignoring you.

for those who care, i'm doing great. my job is horribly frustrating but it's only three days of my week so i try not to let it get me down too much. my part-time job is fun so that helps. i'm better off financially but i wish i only had one job and weekends off. maybe one day.

woody and i are approaching 6 months together in about a week. it's crazy. he rocks.

been working out again. this time i've been keeping up with it. still eat bad and drink often but i'm trying.

i'm in this place in my life where i am not sure what i want to do with it or what i want out of it. i've been toying with moving or going back to school. i do not want to work three days a week for the same crazy dentist at crap salary forever. my other job prospects are slim to non-existant. mississippi, is well, mississippi and things change slowly here. a friend told me that it's just because i'm an ambitious person and that i'm constantly striving for something better. i wonder if i'm just young and not able to stick with something.

anyway, i am headed to the coast this evening to see my dad for his birthday and hang with my sister. should be good times.

10:24 am: the bf told me he loved me last night. i haven't heard those words from a man in a long time.

04:58 pm: so this has been a super rough week. not to go into specifics but i have had some issues with the boyfriend and things were tense. much tears. but we have recovered and are doing great. sometimes things don't go perfectly but that is no reason to throw in the towel. the important thing is we really care for each other and are willing to make the effort and not turn and run at the first sign of trouble.

there was no question that i was going to mobicon but i wasn't sure if i wanted to bring him. i want him to meet my friends and see this aspect of my life, but it will be alot of standing around and watching me hug and catch up with folks he doesn't know. he usually melds into a group well and gets along with everyone but i am not sure if want to be "watching him" all weekend. so i told him i thought i was going alone but that if he really wanted to go, he could. he said "i'll think about it." whatever.

so far, my friends freda and wendy are signed on. perhaps my buds danny and jimmy. the claim they want to go but those are probably empty promises. we'll see

08:34 pm: so my boyfriend is in reno for a work conference and i'm house sitting for him. all alone in this big house with barely any food, no cable , and only a few websites that interest me. so i decided to be some what productive and make scrapbooks with the three boxes of pictures sitting in my closet. i'm such a nerd.

05:45 pm: so i haven't been as regular with the LJ these days. i'm addicted to myspace, it's like crack. anyway, things are going just swimmingly for me. i am up to three days a week at the dentist office where i work, i am leaving the hell that is eddie bauer and starting a new part time job at borders, which is like a laid back barnes and noble where i can wear jeans and get a discount on cds and dvds as well as books. so i'm pretty stoked.

and i hate to do it, because every time i date someone new, i go on and on about how awesome they are and then a month or two later i am ranting on how much they suck. but i have to say that my boyfriend totally rocks. we are having such a blast. he's totally cute, hilarious, sweet, thoughtful, helpful, i could keep rattling on. i like him bunches. it's hard not to gush when you're happy though. i haven't seen any crazy hidden flaws or potential for drama yet. so we'll see. i just hope it keeps going like it has been these past few months.

starting my working out again. getting all fat is a by product of my happy relationship. he works out three times a week while i eat chips and salsa watching law and order, waiting for him to finish. so i figured why not work out myself. so we will also see how long i keep this up. well, i need to be walking or running off the mexican food i ate for lunch.

05:38 pm: hello again
so i haven't updated in almost two months and i haven't even been to the site in about a month and a half. my roommate was playing computer nazi and wouldn't let me get online. fear of viruses or something. but i digress. these past few months have crazy. but things are finally starting to get back in order and go well for me.

for starters i finally found a dental hygiene job after 4 and a half months of nothing but god forsaken retail. i still have to work retail part time to make ends meet but it was a major step in the right direction.

been seeing a great guy. i could babble on about his attributes but i'll keep it at i'm very happy.

not quite where i want to be financially but i am making progress and i feel that by the end of the year i will be on my way to being somewhat financially stable.

got to see my sister last weekend for breakfast on her way through town. she's always a blast. she met the bfriend and totally approves. we had a great time and i can't wait to see her again.

i have great friends which isn't new. but i have been getting to see them which makes me happy. saw my girls on the coast this weekend and my buddy damian is coming to visit this next weekend.

so in closing things are finally starting to resemble normal. it's been five months to get there but i'm not complaining. i'm just glad things have turned around. well, the boyfriend and i have date with the couch, some ben and jerry's, and some aquateen. :)

11:35 am: so this was a less than stellar christmas. but hey there's always more.

it was good to see my sister, john, tonya, damian, thom, steve, danny, sarah, and the rest of the fam.

went to the lynchburg on sunday. that was like a fucking time warp. haven't been to that bar since high school. seriously. then we went to the julep room with danny and jimmy and saw everyone i ever went to high school with who goes out. it was fun to see some folks but others who were all hugs and smiles like we were ever buds annoy me. but of course you buy into the fakeness and hug them back and ask how they've been.

went to the julep room again on monday to meet tonya and brad. my buddy damian showed up and i was much excited. i love the hell out of that guy. mutha trucka claims he's coming to see me in jackson. i'll believe it when i see it. anyway, they left and i was about to leave when i saw my friend ashley and she and i started talking. the next thing i know her cousin from florida has bought us a bunch of red headed sluts and me another jack and coke. after the four or so i had before. wasted doesn't even cover it. i ended up passing out at ashley's and woke up the next morning not knowing where the hell i am and can't find anyone in the house but ashley's brother who is like 9 years old. so i end up walking to the end of the street and calling my mom like a loser. shots are seriously my downfall.

so then i had to come back to jackson early to help my mom and brother move things from storage. today i am supposed to get my car back and run errands. i'm seriously gonna go postal on this body shop if it isn't ready.

i need to eat something. i haven't been eating normally for weeks. normally i'm starving all the time and lately i haven't had any appetite and have forced myself to eat a meal or two. i'm not complaining on the losing weight but i am starting to think something is wrong with me.

well must shower and have a semi-productive day off.

to those i missed seeing while home, my apologies. i was planning to hang more tuesday night but had to go back early. i will hopefully get to come down again soon now that i will have a car again.

11:50 pm:

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	april
Birthday:	12/14/81
Birthplace:	ocean springs
Current Location:	ridgeland
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	reddish brown
Height:	5'4
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right handed
The Shoes You Wore Today:	tall brown boots
Your Weakness:	jack daniels
Your Fears:	dying before i get to do all i want in life
Your Perfect Pizza:	everything on but pineapple
Your Most Overused Phrase On an IM:	lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:	what day is it
Your Best Physical Feature:	people teeth or chest area
Your Bedtime:	varies
Your Most Missed Memory:	dancing with my sister and father on christmas morning
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	niether but macdonalds i guess
Single or Group Dates:	both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	every damn day
Do you Sing:	as much as i can
Do you Shower Daily:	always
Have you Been in Love:	yes -sniff
Do you want to go to College:	already went
Do you want to get Married:	not sure. haven't for the past few years
Do you belive in yourself:	depends on what situation
Do you get Motion Sickness:	sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive:	i have my good days
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	usually
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yeah
Do you play an Instrument:	dabble with piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	hahahaha uh yeah
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
Have you ever eaten a box of Oreos:	not a whole box
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	gift boxes from work
Ever been Drunk:	yeah
Ever been called a Tease:	never
Ever been Beaten up:	got hit with a chair once
Ever Shoplifted:	back in junior high
How do you want to Die:	when i am very old in my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	i have no idea
What country would you most like to Visit:	spain
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	any
Favourite Hair Color:	i like all but i am a sucker for red heads
Short or Long Hair:	short mostly
Height:	prefer taller like 6' or more
Weight:	depends on the guy
Best Clothing Style:	anything that doesn't include tapered leg pants
Number of Drugs I have taken:	never done any
Number of CDs I own:	25 or so
Number of Piercings:	just two in my ears
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	a few
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Leave a comment

12:58 pm: so let me just say this past week has sucked unbelievably.

been in bed sick as a dog since saturday. can barely talk, coughing, runny nose, you know the sexy stuff.

on top of being sick, the frickin body shop still has my damn car. it's been three weeks and a day. everytime i call him, he has some other bullshit reason why it still isn't ready. the other day it was the insurance adjuster's fault. he was late coming by. so i called metlife and said get him over there. that was friday morning. he called me today and said where is your car? i'm trying to get over to look at it. he's lucky i have no voice or i would've have gone off. so now he is gonna look at it today and they probably won't have my car ready for a couple of days because they are fucking morons. i swear i'd move to the moon to avoid natural disasters and the inept people who claim they are trying to help you recover.

but a small sliver of silver lining to the dark cloud is the cute guy i met on my birthday sent me a message. i have his card and thought about calling him but just couldn't do it. well a few minutes ago i check my email and i have a friendster message from him saying he hoped i was the right girl and he had fun talking to me. so that made me feel better that he didn't think i was a drunken weirdo.

so i have to go back to work tomorrow and then i'll be here till saturday when i get up. after that i'll be on the coast for a bit, maybe four or five days. i'd love to see anyone in the area who's around. take care kids. happy whatever your holiday or not holiday is.

10:28 am: warning: long obligatory birthday recap
yesterday was the birthday, 24 for any of you wondering. it wasn't all i wanted or expected but overall it wasn't bad. i sort of celebrated it over two days. i was off work tuesday and my manager at EB took me get a manicure and pedicure. immediately following i met my aunt at little tokyo for sushi. it was so good. she gave me a sweater shrug and some silver drop earrings. dad sent me a card and fifty bucks. then i got some money and bought groceries. i was so happy to have the money to buy food. and excited about cereal and mac and cheese. i know my life is sad. very sad.

wednesday i had to work and my mom sent me flowers. then i went and got my hair done. an older black woman did it and it looked like i was in a pagaent. so i brushed some of the poof down, sprayed it and hoped for the best. the downpour outside ruined it anyway so i dont' know what i was stressing about. but despite the rain, i put on my dress, my sequin shrug, my black eyeliner, panty hose and heels and said fuck it. it's my birthday and i'm gonna have fun no matter what.

i was sure most people were gonna bail anyway and the constant rain just made it worse. so for dinner at bravo, it was jimmy, danny, freda, wendy, amir and me. the hostess was hilarious. we had a bit of a wait for our table but she kept us entertained. she was only 17 but a wise beyond her years 17. she was complaining about the staff having a big boner for christmas and her constant desire to hang herself on the front door wreath. then she told us a little story about being forced to enter the beauty and beau pagaent at school so she had a little fun with her bio. it said anna ... is the daughter of beverly ... who was unfortunately impregnated by mr ... anna's hobbies include adding satire into conversation, quoting hunter s. thompson, her five cats, and harlequin romance novels. and then she told us your table is this way and your waiter's a kiss ass. and she was right.

but we had a blast at dinner. the food was great, my key lime martini was less than stellar, but i had a nice glass of wine to make up for it. we were laughing, being loud and talking about things you don't usually talk about in a nice place like bravo. but hey it wouldn't be us if we were all proper. i was sort of bummed that certain people didn't show but i was having such a great time i didn't notice too much.

until we got to martin's. with the rain there weren't many people out. and the only people beside the dinner crowd who showed were armando and carrie and they couldn't stay long. but some good things did happen there. matt the door guy paid my cover, dustin the bartender bought me a shot, and i met a charming cute guy that i had never seen before. which is rare at martin's. he had my favorite colonge on, aqua di gio by georgio armani. now he was cute, but i'm telling you anyone could have that on and immediately be attractive to me. i proceeded to lean over and smell him periodically which he called me out on several times. he gave me his card but i just hate to say i don't call guys. i am all for being forward and not following the archaic rules of dating but i still can't just call up a guy i don't know well who gave me his number. it seems desperate or like they are having me come to them, i don't know. oh well.

then i got home and passed out. wasn't really that drunk but am feeling very much like ass today. coughing, sniffling, cold, i think the dress in the rain thing was a bad idea.

so in closing, it was not bad. it was nice to have a few people call, text, and show up for the birthday.

12:52 am: hate to jump on the bandwagon but i liked this
Pocket People: throughout your life, people you have met or just want to meet that are so cute, precious, wonderful, and amazing; someone who you want to take with you everywhere you go and pull them out of your pocket to make your day bright; people you just want to squeeze their cheeks when you see them

List ten pocket people you would love to have:

1. THE GURLES-or my sister robin. truly hilarious fabulous smart and just like me so i feel less crazy. i wish she was there for all the references and jokes no one got.
2. brent thomas-in my opinion,the hands down funniest kid i went to high school with.
3. john weber-he's hot, tells me i'm hot and we're getting married
4. dave "joe bob" ducorbier-a blast at parties and yet easy to have a serious conversation with. still wants to be my friend when we aren't at a con.and if he was in my pocket i wouldn't have to drunk dial him
5. tate nations-hot, hilarious, um need i say more
6. justin sledge-super funny and smart. always interesting and cracks me up.
7.charles-my knight in shining armor!! has saved my life and everted tradedy and drama time and time again. is always there for me and rocks
8.april bullock-my best friend, knows me better than anyone and still likes me. always surprises me and is never never anything but too fun to be around. makes me feel ok to be girly also.
9.jonathan bell-this man is funny and is always good for a five year old inside joke. that still makes us both laugh.
10. raines rushin-intelligent insightful and can still make me pee in my pants from laughing so hard after 8 years. he'll always brighten my day.


the birthday is wednesday. been inviting people to dinner and drinks. not getting that great a response. hopefully someone will show up and it won't be me getting tanked by myself.

supposedly getting the car back from the body shop tuesday or wednesday. if they don't have it ready on the birthday i will cause a scene.

not in the christmas spirit. perhaps it's all the working in retail.

will be on the coast the week after christmas. hopefully i will get to relax and see some folks.

08:19 pm: it has been a rough, weird, fun, hard, sad, exciting couple/three months. this is where i'm currently at.

working in retail hell but it's temporary. trying to stay positive while getting a mad discount.

moved to ridgeland with a girl i went to hygiene school. little three bedroom house. she's cool although she does have an affinity for tweety bird that rivals some peoples star wars obession. i wouldn't be bothered by this if she hadn't decorated the guest bathroom(now mine) with it. he stares at me while i shower but hey i guess i can deal.

trying to get my car repainted but it's one obstacle after another. supposed to drop it off monday but i don't have rental coverage and can't afford 30 bucks a day for a week.

been drinking far too heavily and often. i can admit this. but cynthia has direct tv and internet so perhaps i will revert to my old nerdy ways and not go to bars as often. i've also been reading more. hoping to extend that to writing and maybe even learning some thing i've wanted too like knitting or the guitar. perhaps i am too ambitious.

still not dating, hooking up etc. did get a mighty aggressive proposal from an old friend who almost wasn't taking no for an answer.he didn't try anything serious, but he was totally wasted and somehow thought i wanted him terribly while i sat three feet away and said no i don't want to hook up with you. the relentless pursuit of ass by some uncooth jackson bar going singles is starting to seriously annoy me. but as i mentioned before i hope to avoid that more often than not.

not getting to see dad, h dogg or robin for thanksgiving. gonna do dinner at my aunt and uncles and mom is gonna swing by for a day or too. i look forward to spending the holiday in my pajamas.

05:01 pm: well, life is weird right now. but perhaps it is going to get much or at least a little better.

have an exciting possibility that i will go work in the dc area doing dental hygiene. i hope it works out because i need to get out of here for a while. and making money wouldn't suck. but until i can get processed and approved, here is my life as i know it:

working at eddie bauer (i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!) and barnes and noble right now. can't find a hygiene job after searching the internet, classifieds, asking by word of mouth and 25 dollars worth of postage in mailing out resumes and cover letters. frustrated to no end that as a licensed hygienist i make 6.50/hour to sell mom and pop clothes and books.

going out a bit too much to avoid being at home by myself. i tend not to stress too much about things when i am occupied.

been working out. slowly getting stronger but hoping to finally throw some cardio in there and lose pounds.

doing well on my relationship sebatical except getting wasted and admitting to the taken bartender at my neighborhood bar that i have a crush on him. it was just a slip up but he let me down easy. it just reaffirmed my choice to avoid all that hooplah.

getting my car repainted in a few weeks. no more scratches and duct tape residue for me.

hope all my faithful readers are doing well. till next time. take care kids